Custo de Brazil part II

On my last blog entry, I wrote about our adventures so far. Well the adventure only cotinued when landed in Salvador. Our first night we went to a small bar called Bohemia and drank a few beers and went back to our hostel. On the cab ride from the airport the cab driver got pissed because we stopped and got an ice cream at the gas station where he took us to withdraw money. We probably increased his Brazilian cost. The next day we headed for the beach. Salvador beaches in all reality have not been that impressive. The beaches are pretty dirty, and they definitely lack the eye candy of Ipanema.

Upon arriving at the beach we got gang-raped by the vendors at the beach who all wanted us to come and eat at their barracas. These guys had to be the most aggressive sales people I~´ve ever seen. We felt as though papparazi were following us. And they lifted one of our friends up and we thought they were just going to carry him to their food stand. Then we walked along the beach with 20 food vendors all following us and everybody yelling "amigo, tudo tranquilo." That was not tranquilo at all. Then to add to the fun, the assholes tried to rip us off by doubling the prices for everything we ordered and adding a fee for the table, and for service, when the service was shit. Then one fat guy threatened to fight us if we didn´t pay and started making up stories about how he lost the bill. Finally, after a lengthy negotiation we payed what we owed and got the hell out of there. Lesson: don~t talk to these guys on the beach and don~t make eye contact.

After our day at the beach, we had a nice dinner and hung out in a chill bar. The next day proved to be an adventure. We took a surfing lesson with the only guy on the beach who was cool. Then the retardness started again. My friend Christian and I together are nothing but trouble. We managed to find ourselves on stage at a night club and betting each other to take shirts off. Before we know it, we were performing a rather uninspiring strip tease and soon security was attempting us to escort us out of the club. Somehow we talked the manager into letting us stay, and finally arrived home at 7am.

As luck would have it our retardedness carried through the next day. It was election day in Savlador and everything was closed. But we were determined to rent a jetski and the two retards hopped in a cab. We were taken to the Bahia marina and the cab driver left us to discover that everything was closed. So, went to the nearest bar and had a drink. The Bahia marina was like a cock-tease like no other. Every 10 mins we~d see a yacht with 3 hot Brazilian girls lying on deck, wearing very little, drinking champágne, and listening to techno music as the yacht left. "Wow, they are good to themselves" is all we had to say. Finally we returned to the hostel unsuccessful in our attempt to jetskil. And now really were the two retards.

The same evening we decided we could solve all our problems by getting blazed out of our skulls. Of course in Savlador you can´t trust anything. After two scams my friend found himself chasing a homeless guy down the street and threatening to beat the shit out of him. When we got back to the hostel the guy who worked at the front desk got so drunk that he fell over and we started just having to steal beers from the fridge because he was passed out lying in front of the door to the front desk. Then to add to it, two other guys brought some hookers into the hostel. While were watching the The Bucket List one of the hookers asked us to put subtities and proceeded to explain the plot to me in Portuguese. All I understood was that the movie was interesting.

Somehow in less than a few days we had together as a group of 6 accumulated almost one week of lost time in Brazilian cost. Finally, we left for the island of Morro de Sao Paulo where everything was totally tranquilo. (TO BE CONTINUED)

Two retards and their journey across Brazil

I figure I had to write this entry before I forget all the stories. And Yes, I´m one of the two retards. What started out as a rather relaxed vacation quickly has become a victim of the Brazilian cost. But, it is still a great vacation. We started out the vacation by attending the About us music festival in Sao Paulo, which featured Ben Harper, Dave Matthews, and Vanessa Dimata. The most amazing thing was to hear 30k Brazilians singing along with Ben Harper. After the concert, we headed for Rio on a bus. The first day in Rio was very relaxing, and we treated ourselves to a nice meal and sat out in Copacabana getting eye-fucked by girls who wouldn´t leave us alone. On tuesday morning, the second retard arrived. My friend Christian and I are two people who should never be left to our own devices, but somehow we always are and stupid situations have become our expertise. I think that you have the Brazilian cost and then you have the Christian and Srini cost. Combined, we probably have wasted the equivalent of 3 days of vacation time. On Wednesay morning our friends decided to head for Salvador and we discovered that we didnt have our passports. So, the only option Christian and I had was to go back to Sao Paulo. It was either that or 28 hours on a bus, and we said fuck that. We arrived in Sao Paulo pissed off that we had to be back. Of course there was no way that this could go smoothly with the two of us. First, my key got stuck in the door at my new apartment and I had to wake up the owner at 6am. Luckily she was home. Then, we got on a bus going in the wrong direction. After that, we got on a bus going in the right direction, but coudln~t get off at our stop beacuse it was too crowded to get off. So we got off at the next stop and took a taxi backwards. Finally we got a bit of rest, and then headed for the airport thinking we were finally all set. We had our passports in hand, and we had a ticket. When we got there, it turned out our bags had to be checked and I didn~t charge my phone and threw it in my bag which was checked in. Our friends had already arrived in Salvador but we had no idea where they were at, and now began the Sherlock-Holmes type adventure. We had a two hour stop in Brasilia, where you can get a haircut easier than a postcard. There we discovered an internet cafe and there was an email waiting for us with the address of our location in Salvador. It truly felt like a Sherlock Holmes moment, uncovering clues and this type of nonsense. In the midst of this very long day, we decided that we would load up on beer so by the time we landed in Brasilia we had already drank 3 beers. Finally, we were on a plane to Salvador. When we landed in Salvador I think that God decided that he hadn~t had enough laughs out our expense. After using the bathroom we both were standing at the sinks next to each other and then when we went to reach for our paper towels, we both struggled to pull paper towels out of the dispenser. So, like two complete retards, we crossed paths at the same time, and went to the opposite paper towel dispensers, and pulled on the machine again. Finally, we figured out that we had to push a button, but at this moment we realized our retardedness had reached a whole new level. I can only imagine God and his friends probably felt like this was like watching a sitcom.........(TO BE CONTINUED)

Just go that way two blocks!!!

If you are in the city of Sao Paulo, and nobody has told you “Just go to two blocks that way”, then clearly you haven’t asked anybody here for directions. They should just put up a billboard with Brazilian supermodel saying “just walk two blocks that way.” At leas that way you’d have something nice to look at when you are going in the wrong direction. I finally decided to research this a bit further by asking some Brazilians why the hell everybody just says “go two blocks that way.” It turns out they are so nice that they don’t ever want to admit to not knowing or not being able to help you. So, you’ll be confronted with phrases like “I know it’s really close to here, I just don’t know where it’s at” or “Well, it sounds familiar.” When you have to draw a map of the city for a cab driver, you know something is really wrong. Even taxi drivers have no idea where the hell anything is at. Anyways, on to more exciting stuff.

After my disastrous few days in Buzios I finally returned to Sao Paulo and finally have access to some money. Despite all my best efforts to miss class, I somehow still ended up attending all my courses. For the first time in weeks my friends said I looked stressed out and usually I never look stressed out. Something about being an exchange student is quite relaxing. With only two classes a week, my life has become somewhat of a permanent vacation with the occasional nuisance of attending a class. Attending class here is like dealing with a girlfriend you really want to break up with, but have to keep around until you can dump her in December when classes end. Meanwhile, you just distract yourself with a daily beer, which usually turns into 3 or 4. Usually at the end of the weekend I promise myself “I’m going to take a day off”, but this is rarely lasts more than about 9 hours. By the evening your body plays a cruel joke on you and says “I would feel so much better if you would put some alcohol in me.” And with the recent rally of the dollar against the Brazilian Real, this seems like a brilliant idea.

After what has seemed like weeks of trying, we finally seem to be meeting more Brazilian people and even got invited to a party last night. There’s something really different and magical about South America, that no other place in the world seems to have. Of course, no blog post would be complete without talking about the Brazilian girls. It’s not just that they are beautiful. Everything about them seems to be far better than any girls I’ve known in my life. The just have an energy and a free spirit that women in other countries I’ve been to, seem to lack. IF the rest of the world took a lesson from them, the world would be a better place.

Even though this joke is stolen from Frommer’s web site I figured it’s appropriate. Apparently, the Brazilians have a joke

“When god created earth, the archangels went to God. They said that he was being unfair to the rest of the world because he’d given Brazil the longest coastlines, the most beautiful beaches, the best weather, and a land free of natural disasters. God then replied “wait till you see the people I’m putting there.”


The other thing that really is incredible is how late everything starts. While clubs are closing at 2am in California, places are just getting started at 2am and we’re leaving at 6am. So the irony of it is, that despite being in another time zone, my Californian friends and I are probably getting home from partying right around the same time. Well, I can’t finish this blog post without describing Club Hotel in Sao Paulo. If you want to see young girls, some who are even in high school, this seems to be the place. So, listening to girls tel me they were in high school, I started to think back to 12 years agao when I was in high school and I realized how much more interesting my life would be if I were getting drunk and going to nightclubs like these girls.

Return to Rio, Buzios, and my travel disasters

So, after nearly two weeks of not writing anything I’ve decided to finally updated my travel blog. After getting sick of hanging out on Sao Paulo, I decided to return to Rio with one of my friends and spend a weekend drinking caipirinhas on the beach. I think the caipirinha has become a staple in my diet. It’s like most people and their vegetables. I also think I’ve consumed more beer in this 2 months than I have in my whole life. Anyways, upon arriving in Rio, we found ourselves at the bus station and I saw a bus that was going to “Cidade de Deus”(The City of God). Obviously, after seeing the movie we didn’t board that bus. So, we quickly found an Internet café and got ourselves checked into a hostel. Upon checking into the hostel I realized I forgot my Haviannas. So, now I was off to buy another pair and have decided to start a collection of Haviannas. Haviannas are essential to the Carioca lifestyle. After getting my Haviannas we were off to Ipanema for a day of sun and booze. Of course, the people watching in Ipanema is spectacular and sometimes you’d think you’re in a beer commercial. By the end of the evening we were so dead from drinking all day that we ended up sleeping by 1am. But the next morning we were back to Ipanema and the beach was packed with people. This day was a sight to be seen. Ipanema beach is really something else. I sometimes think that this is what heaven is like, except the girls actually pay attention to me. That night we headed to Lapa close to downtown Rio, where it is basically just a giant party in the street. All of Brazil at times seems like a party in the street. There was Samba music playing everywhere and people selling beer for 2BRL, which is now about a little more than a dollar. So, I’m drinking beers for less than a dollar.

After finishing our Sunday in Ipanema, I decided to stick around and head for Buzios. So we rushed to the bus station without checking the forecast and assuming everything we’d be ok. On the bus we were greeted by a 5 year old kid who decided to tell us all about life in Buzios and his school. But, it was entertaining to practice Portuguese with a 5 year old kid. Once we entered Buzios an old lady who seemed nuts approached as the bus stop with offers for a Pousada. Eventually we ditched her because she was nuts. We finally found a pousada for like 12 dollars US a night, and of course went to the nearest bar. Then, everything started to go slowly to hell. IN the morning, we woke up to find a cold and cloudy weather, so anything that involved getting in the water was shot to tell. So we rented a buggy for 24 hours for like 25 bucks U.S. After driving around in the buggy for a few hours we came to three realizations

1) I had overdrawn my bank account
2) AMEX had frozen my account
3) Pepperdine hadn’t deposited my financial aid

Then I came to one grand realization: We were fucked because my friend had left his ATM card with someone else. Then began the adventure of trying to raise money. AT this point I considered buying Cachaca and trying to sell caipirinhas on the road. Once my dad deposited money I thought I’d be saved, but Bank of America froze my card due to unusual activity. AMEX was kind of enough to extend my credit for a few days and I was frantically making phone calls. After some creative financing we managed to pay for everything and get the hell out of Buzios. Then we ended up in Cabo Frio where we had 15 BRL to last 9 hours. Finally after sitting in a grocery store, eating slices of bread like homeless people, we managed to board a bus to Sao Paulo. Upon returning to Sao Paulo, I Was happy to discover that the dollar had significantly appreciated and life was gonna soon be better.

Brazil is Different

That's what a 14 year old girl that was feeding me alcohol in a plastic bag told me. First off, to say that Brazil is different is an understatement. So, you must be wondering what the hell I was doing getting drunk with a 14 year old. I woke up yesterday morning around 11am which is early for me. I find that I usually don't wake up before 1pm on the weekends and I'm usually out till 5am. When I woke up, I had planned to go downtown and called my friend Jorge from Venezuela to go see Edificio Banespa which is a very tall building where you get a panoramic view of Sao Paulo. My friend needed to find a new place to live and wanted to go look at apartment listings at another local University. Instead of finding the University we ended up finding a Friday afternoon street party the resembled Mardi Gras. It was a 2pm on a random Friday and the Brazilians were partying in full force. People were in the middle of the street drinking beer and there were hot girls everywhere as there are at any place in Brazil. So we decided to say to hell with search for Jorge's apartment and joined the street party and picked up a beer. After drinking one beer we saw a group of Brazilians drinking some sort of liquor in a plastic bag with straws so I naturally was curious and asked them what it was. They explained it to me and then offered me some. So, I photographed them and then took a picture with them, me, and the plastic bag of liquor

Ok, so I knew these kids were a bit young. So they started asking me how old I was and I told them I was 30. They were very sweet and said I wasn't old, but I was like a young flower. Then when I asked them, they said "We are 14 years old." I was like "shit, this is wrong." But, the 14 year old girl to my right says "No, no, it's ok. Brazil is different." I'm like, yeah, you can get drunk in the streets at age 14. That's amazing. So after hanging out with the 14 year olds and getting a bit drunk we headed downtown to Edificio Banespa. I've posted a pic below which is maybe 1/5 of the 360-degree panoramic view

So what had been in a rather interesting afternoon came to an end and I thought, ok, this has been a very interesting day. Well, the night made things even more interesting. In the evening we headed Club Royal which is one of the more expensive places to go in Sao Paulo and I racked up 100 dollar bar tab and found myself surrounded by some of the prettiest girls I've seen in Sao Paulo.

Fortunately they wanted to speak in English so I was able to carry on a semi-intelligent conversation. We had quite a few drinks and soon enough were in a wonderfully buzzed state of mind and talking to all the girls in the club. Towards the end of the evening I found myself conversing with a Brazilian Chinese girl who eventually had her tongue down me throat and barely let me up for air. In moments like these, I thank the higher forces of the Universe and the staff at my university for sending me to Brazil. When girls here kiss they really kiss. I think that the Brazilian girls should give kissing lessons to the rest of the women in the world. After she put her tongue in my mouth, she decided to get more aggressive and slid her hands into my pants. I guess she redefined the meaning of "package-checking" because usually it's just a grope, but this was much more. Then she asks me "Do you want to get a taxi and leave?" Of course as any red blooded male would I said "yeah, sure." Then I realized I didn't have my jacket and told her I had to get my jacket and right now I hate Zara because of what happened next. I got my jacket and then on our way out of the club she ran into some guy who rescued her from getting laid and pretty much told me to take a hike. I seriously want to right a letter to Zara and say thanks to the fact that I needed this stupid jacket I didn't have sex. At this point, I was like WTF just happened here. But, it was 5am, I'd been drinking Johnnie Walker Black label since midnight ,and I only had 20 BRL to get home in a cab. So, I got in a cab, got ripped off by the cab driver who didn't even drive me as far as he should have and the asshole even turned off the meter and took my 20 BRL. AT this point, I just wanted to get home and get to bed. So, my lesson for the week is that Brazil is different. Different in a wonderful way :).

The nights we´ll never remember and the friends we´ll never forget

After returning from an extended stay in Rio I came back to Sao Paulo to find that there was another party occuring during the upcoming weekend. At this point, I had realized how little of Sao Paulo I had seen and I realized that my Haviannas were fake. I somehow managed to get fake Haviannas at the grocery store. So, I headed to the Brazilian equivalent of Walmart on a quest for some real Haviannas. I even went to class half an hour late just so I could get my Haviannas. For For like 7 US dollars I found a nice pair, which I realized later when they stated rubbing the skin off my feet, were one size too small. So, I was up two pairs of Haviannas and my damn feet still hurt, but I was determined to have this experience of wearing Haviannas that everybody had described like walking on air. Finally, I went to a sporting good store and bought some blue Haviannas with a Brazilian flag and now I have a pair that have done the brand justice and I plan to a buy a few more. In the search for Haviannas I ended up Ibirapuera Mall which is the biggest mall in Sao Paulo and has something like 500 stores. So, I started to discover a bit of Sao Paulo thanks to the mall and thanks to the bad directions I got from the consulate.

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Finally, around 4pm I returned to Paulista walking comfortably in my Blue Haviannas. I was in the mood for a beer so I called my friend Diego and by 4pm we were already drinking. I should have known then that we were in for a heavy night of drinking. Previously we had decided on a Rodigo(all you can eat) pizza strategy for our nights of drinking. Last time we did it, we ate so much, it took me 10 drinks to catch a buzz. So, this time I decide to drink with my dinner instead. Sure enough, before we got to the party, I had finished 3 caipirinhas. So, I was already buzzed. After seeing the pictures, I realize I must have been a complete train wreck despite believing that I was totally fine. I started my night with a vodka and red bull thinking, that I would have a relatively tame night. Then, the Brazilians started handing me these plastic test tubes that you bite into, which it turns out where Cachaca and honey, so they were strong as hell. I think in total I was handed about 9 of them. I lost count at some point. I have a recollection of returning to the various bars for a few more drinks. Since it is open bar at every event, it seems like a waste of money not take advantage of the situation. After about 2 hours, when I scanned the room, it seemed like half the people there were making out with somebody. So I figured, I should be too. No such luck, since probably I was so damn drunk I had no idea what the hell I was doing. And as any party in Brazil I have attended, the room was filled with beautiful girls. I seriously am beginning to think there's something in the water and I'm dreading my return to the United States because it will be very depressing.They should change the name of that song from "I wish they all could be California Girls" to "I wish they all could be Brazilian Girls."

Saturday morning I woke up with a massive hangover and realized why I gave this blog post the title "The nights we'll never remember and the friends we'll never forget." For the first time in like 5 years I thought I might throw up from my drinking, but I managed to make it through the day, and after a meal at McDonald's I came back to life. We headed to an area of Sao Paulo known as Itaim and discovered a bunch of new places. As we were walking down the street the smell of curry started to fill the air and it was a familiar smell. I realized somewhere close by Indian food was being made and I had to get some. As luck would have it we turned the corner and stumbled upon Dehli Palace. Ever since landing here I wanted to go to an Indian restaruant just to see if the people even looked Indian. There were not any Indians working there, just a Brazilian guy in Indian clothes. But later, the owner came out and it turned out he was Indian. The food was fantastic and I'm sure I'll return.



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After the Indian food we discovered what I consider to be one of the coolest places in Sao Paulo, Ali Babar. I can't seem to find the exact google map. Here we found many interesting things. First there was a girl who's ass you could bounce quarters off of. To our dissappointment she was not even Brazilian, but German. Then we discovered you could smoke Hookahs here. So we got one. The greatest thing to see here was the live band watching the olympic volleyball and playing U2 songs at the same time. Quite amazing. Finally around 3am we decided it was time to call it a night. Slowly I'm discovering all that Sao Paulo has to offer.

Partying with the Brazilians